Keys To Overcoming Wendy Syndrome

Wendy syndrome has its roots in popular psychology.

Although it is not a recognized disorder in diagnostic psychology manuals, it consists of certain aspects that can be translated into clinical dimensions that require treatment.

Focusing your existence on caring for another person leads to a slow process of self-destruction. Loss of self-esteem or extreme physical and mental exhaustion can easily lead you into a depression.

Classical literature has provided several, even authentic, archetypes that help to describe this very real behavior.

Wendy Syndrome, or “Peter Pan Syndrome”, ” Othello Syndrome ” or “Alice in Wonderland Syndrome” describes all disorders, problems and behaviors where fiction becomes a reality.

Now you can easily say that the topic of this article is the most common syndrome of them all.

In some ways, many women want to internalize it, not because they are forced to, but because that’s what they’ve seen for generations, and that’s how they feel.

The person who cares and takes care of another, loves. Giving up seems like a great way to love someone. However, it is sometimes easy to forget something:

This is where the problems begin, with emotional dissonance and sadness. Today we propose to think about it through the following aspects.

Wendy syndrome, or progressive denial of oneself

Although this syndrome, as we have mentioned, is rooted in popular psychology, the symptoms of it are very clear:

You understand that to love, above all, is to serve another person.

• For a long time, this type of relationship can feel good. That’s how you understand love.
• You are not worried (to begin with) that others do not care about you as much. You just know that your partner feels loved by you and is happy. That’s how you feel.
• You do this so that those around you do not get angry or upset. You fight for external balance while forgetting your own.
• But gradually you perceive that others look at every effort and behavior you make as “normal”. This can reach a point where they become tyrannical and demanding.

If you are experiencing Wendy Syndrome now, consider certain aspects that you should change.

Understand that love is not sacrifice: love is giving and receiving

Many people were brought up with the idea that in order to love, you have to give up certain things to lay the foundation for the relationship. If you want something, you have to “endure” many things.

You have also been taught to believe that you have to say “yes” when you want to say “no”. You begin to prioritize others over yourself, which is the other person’s goal.

Once you have integrated these ideas into your way of thinking, you begin to collapse under the weight of new ideas:

• Love does not mean giving up. If you give up, you will only be a victim to yourself.

• A loving relationship should be mature and clear. Both parties must give, there is no doubt about that, but it is equally important to get.
• Love is about forming a team, about coordinating their strengths, interests and needs.
• When it comes to Wendy syndrome, there is always one person giving and one receiving. One wins and the other gradually loses.
• The real problem, however, is that the other person is not even aware of it.  At the beginning of the relationship, you feel happy to care for them, you care about them, take care of every detail to maximize their well-being.
• But after months or years, you notice that something is wrong. Finally, everything you are to be taken for granted is not appreciated, and even more is required of you.

You can not let yourself fall into this difficult and unhappy trap.

How to focus on other types of emotional relationships

Our first and foremost piece of advice: never fail to be yourself no matter how much you love the other person. If you do, frustration, discomfort, and unhappiness will occur sooner or later.

Caring for, protecting, giving, denying you certain things… Okay, but your partner should also take care of you, give you things, and deny you things for you. Regardless: such self-denial should only happen if it is in the common good.

What you should do:

• Do not apologize for anything that is not your responsibility.
• The biggest fear that people with Wendy syndrome have is being abandoned. To prevent this from happening, you can do something (you should never let it get to this extreme).
• You need to learn to be happy on your own. Enjoy your own company to the point where you know that if you find yourself alone, the world will not end.
• Also learn to correct your thought patterns, especially those that bring you suffering. This will help you create new emotions that make you stronger.
• Break away from ideas like, “If I take care of them more, they will love me more,” or “It’s better if I give this up, and they will see how much I love them.”

• Stop projecting all your hopes, desires and energy on another person. Just do it in a fair way. You deserve my love and I deserve your respect.

Remember, in love we must have dignity. Never accept anything less: learn to receive and to fight for your personal integrity.