Is It Really Possible To Forgive Yourself?

Forgiving yourself is not easy. It requires humility, patience, deep compassion and a sense of unconditional love for yourself. However, it is important that you learn to forgive yourself if you want to feel satisfied with yourself and with others.

Most people have made mistakes in their lives because mistakes are a part of life. It is common to wish that you acted differently and to think that if you were given another chance, you would do things differently. Not knowing how to set boundaries at work or in relationships, being too submissive or aggressive, acting selfishly, or doing something that hurts others, are examples of situations that can make you feel a lot of discomfort in the form of guilt or bitterness.

Is it appropriate to feel guilty?

Guilt is a fundamental mechanism in the learning process. It guides your consciousness and sets boundaries that show you whether your motives and behavior are appropriate or not. According to the personality theorist, Erik Erikson, people tend to develop a sense of healthy guilt when they are three years old.

Without having developed this and not internalizing a moral and ethical code, you may have difficulty interacting with others. In fact, lack of guilt is one of the biggest traits of psychopaths.

Thus, feeling guilty when you have done something wrong is a good indicator of mental health. This means that you are aware of what you have done. However, this feeling can lead you to fix the situation, either by apologizing or taking action to resolve your discomfort. 

The problem lies in when you feel guilty about past actions or decisions and let something that has already happened hurt you again and again, and end up in a vicious circle. This vicious circle often does not allow you to live in the present and binds you to an unresolved past.

What does it mean to forgive yourself?

Forgiving yourself does not mean justifying inappropriate behavior or not feeling remorse. This means that you must acknowledge the negative emotions it creates in you and decide not to let them affect your present.

Forgiveness is a progressive process, as it does not happen in an instant. Thus , it is a complex process. It may take a few more years to completely heal their wounds, while it is easier for others. Forgiving yourself also means overcoming resistance to change, as in many cases it often feels easier to feel guilty than to dare to leave self-criticism and pain.

Strategies of forgiveness

Forgiving yourself is a process that involves the following stages:

1. Recognize the truth. You have to be honest with yourself. If you did something wrong, it’s best not to fool yourself.
2. Take responsibility for what happened. All actions have consequences, so it is much better to be brave and deal with them.
3. Get in touch with the deepest emotions that motivated your behavior. Knowing what led you to act in a certain way is a good step towards avoiding repeating the same mistake in the future.
4. Open yourself up to feel without judging. Accepting your mistakes is the key. In the same way, accepting what happened is fundamental to being able to heal wounds.
5. Heal your emotional wounds. In order for you to do this, it is necessary that you open yourself up to compassion instead of self-criticism.
6. Love yourself unconditionally. This means accepting yourself completely, including your abilities and virtues, as well as your faults and shortcomings. In this final stage, it is possible to love yourself and forgive yourself hand in hand.

Strategies to help forgive yourself

For practical reasons, certain actions can help you to forgive yourself faster. Here are some examples:

• Say you’m sorry for that. Apologizing is a big step forward in case you have hurt someone, whether it was consciously or unconsciously. But remember, that should be a genuine excuse. You should also apologize without expectations, because asking for forgiveness does not necessarily mean that the other person will forgive you immediately. Either way, this facilitates the healing process, in addition to the other person.
• Share the experience. Explaining your mistake to someone can help you free yourself from guilt. For example, you can tell a friend who makes you feel emotionally secure and accepts you for who you are. Another possible solution is to go to therapy with a specialist who can help you cope with your feelings.

• Write. Another good choice is to explain everything you want to tell the other person in a letter. This allows you to organize your thoughts and feelings and vent your pain. Depending on the situation, you can decide whether to give the person the letter or whether it is only part of your own improvement.
• Heal your inner child. Meditation is a very powerful tool that can facilitate forgiveness. Getting into a state of relaxation and communication with your wounded inner child, while giving yourself all the security and unconditional love you need, can help you reconcile with your past. Note, however, that this can also be done with the help of a professional therapist.

Some thoughts at the end

As with other forms of forgiveness, forgiving yourself is a process. It is a path that involves leaving your pain behind you and opening yourself up to live a present and future free from suffering.

You must learn to accept that you have acted in each of the phases of life in relation to your level of consciousness. If you did not act correctly in the past, it was because you did not know better. It is during the healing process that you realize that you are no longer at this stage in life and that you can develop thanks to the error. This will also allow you to move on and have compassion for yourself to achieve peace of mind.